The Gym and Me
Posted 21/12/05 22:28 by fang under Commentary.
The SMU gym has been opened for a week already, and everyone has been raving about it. I mean, the gym is after all damn new, with apparently very high-tech machines. Damn it, they even have mini TV screens which you can watch while on the threadmill, and all the chiobus are using the gym!
But for the umpteenth time, no don’t invite me to the gym. I have said it once, and I will say it again — I will only go when I get fat.
Seriously, what use can a gym do for me? I don’t even run now, for fear of burning off calories (excuses, really.) Everyone knows how bloody lanky I am. So they tell me, “Go to the gym and bulk up!” Seriously, eff off. =) Haha, I know what my body needs. Myself, I want to bulk up and have a lean, mean machine that is my body, but that ain’t going to happen until I pile up the calories. And I mean seriously pile up the calories. What does that entail? 6 small meals a day, done regularly without fail. Coupled with regular high intensity, low repetition gym work on my upper body, will enable me to bulk up.
Now here’s the catch — I am unwilling to invest in 6 small meals a day. Or rather, it ain’t going to happen! Already, my metabolism is so high that I burn a lot of calories already. I eat a lot, but I’ve yet to reach the important stage of calorie intake > calories burned. With 6 meals a day, and maybe supplemented by well, supplements, I’m sure I can breach the calories-burned mark. But seriously, how am I able to have 6 meals a day? 6 good meals a day? The hustle and bustle of life in SMU is such that, having meals at regular times is already very difficult. Then people forget that my metabolism doesn’t reduce after bulking up. So what if I bulk up and finally get the to-die-for body? I have to mantain it! Because if I don’t, it’s only natural that I will lose my mass.
I don’t want to make such an investment, which will go to nought once life really gets busy. So unless I get fat naturally, or someone is willing to invest in a personal chef for me, or a really, really, really good girlfriend who keeps feeding me (damn, no one to hint to) then please don’t ask me to go to the gym. Muscle mass doesn’t grow from bones.